Heart of a Raven
by peachesxdarling
Summary: Afraid that she doesn't deserve what she has been given, Raven makes the ultimate sacrifice. [Beast Boy & Raven one shot]


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything  
This is a short one shot. I wrote it about a month ago and decided to go ahead and put it on here. Hope you all enjoy it.**

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It's a shame how fast a few months can fly right on by. Raven had been more than pleased when she had found out that she wasn't pregnant. Sure a part of her might have been a bit disappointed due to the fact that she wasn't going to be carrying Garfield's child. But nonetheless, the couple had made the sweetest love they could ever have that night. Every cell in her body had been brought back to life during the most passionate half hour she had ever experienced. But all of that was beside the point, for now she lay awake in her cold bed, staring at the dark ceiling above her. It was almost six in the morning, considering that she had glanced to the clock not but a few minutes ago. The girl was seemingly losing her mind to the nightfall, different thoughts floated through her mind and none of which solved any of her problems. Though she couldn't seem to think of what problems she had; the perfect man was sleeping right next to her. His strong arm gently draped across her waist while his face was buried into her shoulder. Raven could now feel his lips against her collarbone along with his warm breath pouring over her bare and gray skin. The fact that she was nude beneath the sheer blankets didn't surprise her at all and she was almost certain that Garfield wasn't wearing any clothes either. The couple had once again made love just hours ago, it was their sixth time doing so and by now Raven felt nothing but pure passion and pleasure. 

Releasing a sigh into the cold night air, hoping that this pain of heartsickness would just go on away. Only then would she be able to fall back asleep in the arms of the man she loved more than life itself. But for some reason she wasn't feeling like she was supposed to, pressing her palm up to her forehead hoping to relieve some of the pressure hidden there. Though her attempts did not help and she found herself slipping out of the male's grip, glancing back at him to see an upset look on his face before he drew his arm back over the empty place on the mattress. Almost as if he was looking for her, though he didn't move around for long and soon he had turned over onto his back with his hand resting over his stomach. Raven only offered him a wretched smile, now bending down and searching the floor for her nightgown. Upon finding the ashen lingerie, she slipped it over her head and let it fall to her upper thighs. Sure it might have been a bit revealing of her body, considering the fact that the material of the dress wasn't thick and fairly transparent. The thin fabric hugged her slender figure, cupping and lifting her breasts where it was needed. Any man would kill to see her in these nightclothes, though no one else saw her in the outfit beside Garfield and that was all that mattered.

Leaning forward on her knees, allowing her right hand to cup her chin whilst her left was extended in front of her. Admiring the faultless ring on her thin finger, it had been nearly a month since Garfield had proposed to her. Raven had been wishing for that day ever since they made love for the first time and as she could have guessed, on her seventeenth birthday he showed her the black velvet box. It had been the first time the female cried out of happiness; she could remember that wonderful night as if it were yesterday. When he confessed to her that she was his everything and that he couldn't live without her. That special evening had marked their fifth time making love to one another, even though they didn't have sex as often as figured they made it worth each other's while every time. Raven smiling to herself, remembering her birthday as if it were a film playing through her mind. But without warning she turned her happy remembrance to sobs, allowing the clear saline to pour down her cheeks and crash onto her unclad thighs. The female had never thought she would be thinking this way but what else was she supposed to do? Live her life behind a mask knowing that the only man that she ever could love really loved somebody else?

Garfield loved this new Raven, not the real one and she knew that if she was ever to show her true self to him he wouldn't be as willingly to spend the rest of his life with her. The girl was a half-breed, devil, demon it didn't matter what you wanted to call it. Raven was a monster and she would only cause the man further grief if she stayed with him. Even then she couldn't even pull herself to think about breaking up with him, she loved too intensely to do something like that. There was only one other solution and she hadn't been sure of it the past few weeks but tonight she was determined to make her dreams a reality. Turning on the bed, looking back at the face, which she had grown to like, then adore, and now love more than anything and everything. Leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his lips, keeping it passionate yet simple knowing that it would be their last kiss until his own judgment day. Raven didn't want to wake him right now, not when he looked so peaceful and so clearly in love with her. Running her clammy hand over his cheek, soon trailing it up through his olive locks; now wishing that he were having a wonderful dream. This way once he woke up to her being gone he would have something nice to look back on. Releasing her soft tones, them being full of both happiness and depression.

"**I love you. I will always love you."**

With that the female pressed another kiss to his lips before slipping away from him forever. Sliding off the bed and onto the cool carpet, its soft bristles tickled the soles of her feet as if trying to lure her back to the man's arms. Raven ignored their wishes and quietly slid open the metal door, closing it with the same precaution after she had moved her frame to the hallway. Now treading the much colder concrete, with every step her heart grew more and more heavy. And with every blink, twice as many tears poured down her beautiful face though she couldn't stop now. She was halfway there and she kept reminding herself that it would all be over soon, very soon. Before Raven knew it she had been brought into the bathroom, once again many memories flooded her thoughts. The morning her and Garfield had taken their first shower together as well as many other mornings after that. The day Raven found out that she wasn't pregnant and was free to love the man as she wished. And now it would house the memory of her death, hopefully she wouldn't have to reflect too much on that one.

Closing the door behind her, turning the latch so no one would be able to interrupt her later on. Walking to the closet, hearing the hinges squeak as she opened it and soon she lifted herself onto her tip toes. Running her hand against the top wooden shelf where she then found what she had been hiding for the past month. Finding the hardened synthetic handle, slowly pulling it from the closet and down to eye level. The clarity of the blade shocked her, knowing that within minutes time it would be painted with a crimson liquid. Hearing the soft clank it made as she set it on the counter of the sink, now bending over to turn the dial of the tub. Allowing the fresh water rush from the spout and begin to fill up the large ceramic barrel. Pulling the curtains back so that she could clearly watch the water's progress and stop it when she knew it was enough. For the moment she reached back into that closet, now searching for something much different than a blade. Raven now pulled a thin sheet of paper and pen from the top shelf, hidden behind towels and soft cloths. For the past few weeks she had also been planning her goodbye letter, though she would not be including the other titans in her memo. But only the man that mattered the most to her, the one that had forever changed her, the one who had loved her more than his own life, and the one that she would always watch over.

During the next few minutes, her right hand was busy jotting down script-like words onto the white sheet of paper. Once she had finished with her farewell, she turned the water off and listened to the small droplets plunk into the now-filled bathtub. Tossing the pen aside and laying the sheet of paper next to the edge of the tub, setting the kitchen knife upon its surface before stepping into the bathwater. Raven winced in the slightest, due to the fact that she hadn't really paid much attention to the temperature she had set the water to. Goosebumps flooded her body as she quickly dunked herself into the icy liquid; thankfully she had only filled it up to beneath her breasts. Raven's hands began to shake as she retracted her left hand from the ice-cold water and over the side of the tub. Grabbing the knife's handle and tightening her grip upon it, now placing the edge of the blade against the inside of her wrist. Raven began to sob quite heavily now, the warm tears literally pouring down her flushed cheeks. Drawing back a loud cry as she felt a sharp pain in her right arm. The female's eyes now grew wide with the what she had just done, letting the knife slip out of her fingers banging against the side of the tub before hitting the bathroom tile with a clatter.

Dropping her left hand into the icy water, her engagement ring nearly freezing to her finger due to the cold. The bath water now began to turn a light rose hue; Raven had already dropped her cut wrist into the water. Blood oozing from the deep wound and deepening the pink color of the bath water with every second that passed. Struggling to keep her eyes open now, her once bright violet irises were turning dull and she could barely make out the decorations in the bathroom without black loops clouding her vision. Within a few moments the bath water had turned a deep red, now turning her once pallid nightgown a deep cherry color. Raven now lie lifeless in the freezing water, her eyes open and staring off into space. Her curved body slumped and her head tilted towards the door of the bathroom as if she was waiting for someone. The girl now wished more than anything that Garfield would rush in and save her from death. He would scoop her right out of that tub with his strong arms and the cut on her wrist would disappear. A smile would carve onto her features and he would take her away, back to bed where he would make love to her once again. Raven's dreams could not come true, not even if she wished on the brightest, most promising star in the sky.

Sunlight now streamed through the single window of the bathroom, she knew that within an hour's time Garfield would wake up without her in his arms. Swallowing hard before she succumbed to the drowning plea to close her eyes, now resting her head against the side of the tub and wishing for all the pain to just fade away. As if granting her wish, a slight wave flooded her body and nothing hurt anymore. Raven had finally done what she had wanted to do for the past month; her lifeless body lay in the chilled, red water. The female's gown soaked up the crimson liquid as she slipped into death. No longer would the male have to worry about hurting her feelings, he wouldn't have to worry about getting her pregnant or hurting her while they made love. The red ooze had dripped off the edge of the knife's blade, now dripping onto the smooth surface of the paper next to the bathtub. The thick black words explaining whatever questions Garfield may have had about Raven's suicide. Perhaps someday he would have the heart to forgive her and to meet her in that wonderful place after death. If Raven were even eligible for such a treat like heaven, then she would be waiting for him. And if not, she would always love him… it was that simple. The note read as follows:

My Dearest Garfield,

I am sorry that things had to end this way. I never meant to hurt you and I never wanted this to happen. I can't hide from you any longer and I couldn't force myself to give you back the engagement ring. I wanted to marry you more than anything, I wanted to have beautiful children with you and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You don't know how much you mean to me and everything that you given me over the past six months. It was more than I could have ever wished for and I just wanted to say thank you. From all the hugs to the kisses to every time you made love to me... thank you. I love you more than life itself and I will always love you. It was just time to say goodbye.

Love always and forever,

Raven Logan

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**Well there it is. Short, but hopefully it didn't waste your time. Not like it could because it was your choice reading it in the first place. -smooches-**


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